It's what I never want to lose

The feedback I've been receiving on my latest post is officially the best feedback I've ever received on any of my writings before (with my best friend's topping them all). Normal people might consider this an achievement and naturally feel happy about it, but that's just not what has been going on with me.

Before posting it, I felt like it was the weirdest thing anyone would ever read, but the comments I've read indicated the total opposite of that. It felt really good at the beginning, but then, with every single comment I received, I'd just panic. People were really supportive, but they were unaware of the fact that they were scaring me away from words.

"I'd never be able to write anything as good as that again", was all I could think of. And all what has been scaring me for almost a week now.

I've always believed that my spoken words came out horribly, just because I was able to express them better through writing. It's how the equation always seemed to work in my head. At that point, I felt like all my conceptions were in danger, for they'd shortly turn out to be pointless, all of them. I'd never be able to tell those whom I love, how much they really mean to me, because I can't write. I'd never be able to soothe the mess that frequently happens inside my head, because I can't write. I'd never be able to understand myself, who I really am, what I want, nothing of that kind, because I just can't write. The thought of it was dreadful, and it still is.

Such thoughts, and more, occur to me everyday, and I've really wanted to write about them before my head explodes. I knew that anything I'd write wouldn't be compared to the last piece, but I still chose to write. Actually, I'll always choose to write. Even if my words seem distorted, even if my words made no sense to anyone, I'll always choose to write.

Writing is my own blessing. My God-sent gift. I've lately met so many people who hate reading, let alone write something themselves, and I've realized it wasn't one of those things anyone could easily do. Gifts aren't necessarily there for other people to enjoy, and for that, I'd never let go of my gift just because I think it might not be good enough.

It's just what I do.. and it's what I never want to lose.

On the little moments that keep me going.

It's all about the little moments..

The little moments that make my heart smile, and sometimes even dance. The little moments that can draw millions of curves on my face, no matter what mood I'm in. The little moments that make me wish I could have had the option to freeze everything, and just intensely stare as they happen. Life would've been a hard place to live in without such moments; my favorite moments.

I personally love the beginnings of everything, absolutely everything. The beginning of a friendship, a book, a movie, a hug, or even a tasty pizza. I love beginnings. No matter how they go, they'd definitely be better than all the endings in the world.

And, there are just plenty of other beautiful moments that often go unnoticed..

I love it when I wake up on a day off, without anyone calling my name, or an alarm's siren that doesn't shut up until it ruins my sleep. I love the few seconds between opening my eyes and coming back to my consciousness, when I totally forget who I am, what I'm doing in that place, and absolutely anything that has been bothering me the night before.

I love it the other way round. When I'm going back to sleep, and there's the same few seconds between consciousness and unconsciousness, with nothing on my mind, and yet no dreams that would remind me of what I've been trying to escape. I would want to spend forever living through those few moments.

I love it when I wake up in the morning, check my phone, and find a reply to that message I've sent the day before and never got a reply to. I generally love waking up to texts from my favorite people. Irreplaceable moments.

I love that moment when I'm thinking about someone, and I'd randomly find them calling or texting me. I love the idea that two minds can be thinking about each other at the same exact moment.

And, when we're in the middle of a conversation and I have something to say, but someone interrupts and suddenly I can't remember what it is that I was about to say. I keep trying to remember, and I keep recalling the stuff we were discussing. I love that moment when the thought finally appears at the top of my head again, I love the "Aaah, I remember!" accompanied by that sense of relief.

I love it when I'm experiencing some serious problem, and you're there by my side to remind me of the prayer God has associated with such situations, sincerely repeating it with me. I love that moment when, out of nowhere, the solution just pops up for whatever it is that we've been facing, just because of that prayer. I love that moment when we both sense how close God is, and how you were the reason for it all.

I love it when someone notices those certain phrases I unconsciously repeat through my conversations. I particularly love it when I notice how someone unconsciously uses my phrases through their own talks. I love the parts of me that I find in people, and even more, the parts of people that I find printed on me.

When you're making up a story, and you're trying to make me believe it though you know I never would. I love that smile of yours when you finally decide to give up, and let me know you obviously weren't serious. Even better, I love that moment when we both smile at the same exact time, and comment on it with a phrase we both use.

I love the random moments. When I reach the bus I'm supposed to take, get on it, and watch it take off as soon as I settle down, as if it was God stopping it just for me. When I open a door somewhere, and find someone I know on the other side trying to open it, too. When I reach home after a hectic day, find no one at home, jump into my bed, and just keep staring at the ceiling.

I love it when I look at you, and notice you've been staring at me all along. I love that moment when our eyes meet, when you feel the pressure and decide to look away. I love it when I'm trying to say something, and I'd find you completing the sentences for me, with all the right words I've been looking for.

I love it when I read something that I've been thinking about but didn't really pay that much attention to, and I'd just find you perfectly describing it the way I would have, if only I had paid attention. I love that moment of relating to someone, even better, when someone relates to me.

I think the little moments only need someone to notice them, and they'd just magically turn people's lives upside down. I think people would be much happier if they concentrated on them, for if we add up all the little moments, there wouldn't even be room for dull ones to take over.

It's just, totally, all about the little moments.

I love the little moments.